When “ME” time becomes the only time on my watch

 

Is it just me, but SOMETIMES l don’t necessarily like the idea behind facetime. I wonder if l were in Nigeria – would l feel the same way?  I remember back home in Nigeria when people used to stop by unannounced or uninvited. It was the norm – people weren’t expected to call you before coming to visit but they showed up anytime at your house for visits that lasted anywhere from 20 minutes to 4 hours. I knew my neighbors, l knew the people on my street – l even knew people in other houses on other streets. It was more of a community than anything. For those non-Nigerians, keep in mind that most homes in Nigeria are gated – so if a visitor is at your door, you would probably have seen them through the camera/window – driving down your street, possibly honking at your gate, asking the gateman if you’re home all before actually knocking at your door. Unlike America – where you could easily ring someone’s doorbell, back in Nigeria – there were a series of steps to take before actually knocking on your front door. I have lived in America now for almost 13 years – I’ve lived in an apartment on my own for almost 6 years now – I’ve stayed in 4 different apartment communities and I’ve only known 1 of my neighbors. I’ll see my neighbors, people on my floor/building---at the mailroom, taking the same shuttle to the train station or at the apartment gym but the conversation has never gotten past a polite “hello”.

Looking back at things, speaking to my family and friends back home l realize how much of the culture I’ve adopted and has become a part of my personality. Before friends stop by they should give me adequate notice, don’t bother stopping by unannounced or uninvited unless l may even pretend not to be home. Yes, maybe I’m being extreme here but there’s some truth to what I’m saying. I went to get prescription sunglasses the other day – l ran into this very pleasant woman from the Ivory Coast and we got to talking about the cultural differences and if one is not careful – you turn into an introvert. You have kids rushing to leave their parents home and branch out on their own. Where back home, more women than men do not leave their parents’ home until marriage. Of course there is an exception to the rule; job placement, leaving with relatives, deceased parents etc. but this is not the norm.

With all the benefits I’ve reaped here in this wonderful country called America – I’ve also become socially intolerant towards the same culture l knew and loved. For example; l can hang out with a group of friends for 2 nights in a row at the max then l need to return to my sanctuary. Not that l don’t love my friends – l do. I can literally stay in my apartment all week long – reading, working, watching tv and working out. I can do this and I’ll be good. In fact I’ll be GREAT!!!!  Back at home – l remember when l had friends over every day and during the summer friends lived with me like it was their home. It’s funny cause l remember my dad put an extra bed in my room cause our friends were always over. Now – they have to call ahead of time to come over – depending on how I’m feeling, l will meet them for dinner so l can return back to my place alone at anytime in piece.

Solution: Life is short, there’s more out there – right? So, I’ve decided to be a little more proactive in my life. Go out there – travel, meet new people. I booked a ticket to see my sister this weekend – next weekend, I’m going to hang out with friends – maybe I’ll get a little crazy and spend the night at my girlfriends place.. Ok – and that neighbor l see walking by, I’ll introduce myself and ask how he/she’s day is going. Right? We can either bitch about it – or do something. I’m not trying to change overnight but take a step towards progress for a better tomorrow. I’ve noticed this about my current situation and although l can’t control external factors – l can control me. What is something in your life by one step or action can make a difference in how you perceive something else?

God Bless xx

Control vs. Power

I think it’s because I’m getting older but certain things that seemed to matter (almost rule) my life, l don’t bother about anymore. 

            I want you to list 5 things that are bothering you today? …..

                    Now l want you to list 5 ways you can correct each problem?....

I’m no hypocrite – l took pen to paper and worked on the above exercise. I learnt that by completely being honest about it – l realized how uncomplicated it all seemed? Of course, there was one – l didn’t have any control over –so my solution was to PRAY ABOUT IT!

Someone said today morning – “Common sense is like using deodorant, the people who need it most don’t use it”. After laughing at the crazy association – l thought of the sub-text of that message and it’s the perfect translation. Where l come from they say – common sense is not common, that’s another way of saying it.

Do you think the things bothering you are controlling you today – do we realize that a single thought can become our perspective then our actions which slowly lead to our behavior? You must have read something like that somewhere  - l believe this translates into “an idle mind is the devils workshop”!

I think as easy as it is to let a problem control us – it’s necessary to remember that we have power over our thoughts and actions. It’s as simple as the exercise above. If a problem is out of your control, let God handle it – maybe it wasn’t meant for you to handle. Let the power of something greater than me and you take complete control of the issue. Don’t you think?

I’ll let you in on a little secret – one thing that keeps me sane in this world is a reflection of my past. Picture this “  5 years ago, what were some of the problems you were facing? Do you even remember? Can you list 10 major issues you faced five years ago…. Ok – let’s say 3 years ago now – can you list an additional 5 issues?” How were those problems resolved? I can answer that simply….. NO. Issues l faced 1 year ago – l never would have pictured it would turn out like it did; just saying. Take Power of whatever is controlling you today. 

God Bless xx